On Instagram recently I was talking about my journey as a filmmaker and how important my mentors have been to me. Several people DM’d me asking how they can find a mentor. Mentorship is something I think a lot about because when I was younger and heard people talk about their mentors I was totally lost: Do you ask someone to be your mentor? Where do you find one? What do they do? How does this mentorship thing work?! What I’ve come to learn is that there are several different kinds of mentors and they are all valuable in different ways.
Here is how I categorize them:
Peer Mentors
The most undervalued and potentially the most useful category of mentor is the peer mentor. Peer mentorship is, well, mentorship between peers. It is a reciprocal relationship with a person in your field who is at about the same level as you. You both share information you learn from your bosses, classes, books, personal experiences. A PM is a great person to talk through problems with. These people are foundational to your network: You’re learning together; You’ll speak each other’s names in rooms full of opportunities; They will be your collaborators going forward.
How do you find one?
You should be able to find a few today. Look around at your circle of friends and acquaintances, figure out who has similar/aligned aspirations to you and start nurturing those relationships.
Mentor-from-Afar
This category contains a few different types of connections but they work in similar ways.
One type of MFA is someone you’ve never met and might never meet. They are very successful at what you hope to be successful at AND there is something that attracts you to them/makes you feel a connection to them. For example it might be a director who makes work about the same themes you do, or an actor who always seems to have parts that fan that spark of recognition: I want to do THAT. You learn from this person by studying their work, reading their books, and listening to interviews. These mentors are great because you can access the information at any time on your own schedule, and they can be a vision holder for you. They’ve done it, so you know it’s possible. Where they’ve studied and who they’ve worked with is generally public information so you can map out potential next steps for yourself.
Another is someone you have some limited interactions with through work or professional events. You can absorb information by watching them work, listening in on their PROFESSIONAL conversations, and maybe even asking the occasional well-timed question. This type of relationship can sometimes evolve into what I’m calling a Traditional Mentor.
How do you find one?
For the first type: Think about who in your industry you admire and whose careers you want to emulate, then start googling.
For the second: Look around at your work and through your extended professional network, notice those people whose work you like and who make you feel good when you think about them. Make sure you pay extra attention when you’re in a meeting or conversation with them, a lot of the best nuggets of information come out in casual conversation. Don’t be afraid to ask a follow up question if they say something that interests you.
Mentor-For-Hire
Under this category I’m including mentors that you pay for by taking a program or course of theirs, and mentors that may be appointed to you through a lab or program.
While I’ve learned a lot from these types of situations I’ve always found them a bit awkward. It’s not a relationship that has grown naturally. At least in the case of taking a course the relationship is clear: you pay/they teach. With set-up mentorships I always felt like an imposition on the person and was very concerned with wasting their time or if they liked me which made it difficult to dive deeply into anything.
My bias against MFHs is rooted in my own particular brand of neurosis and I’m sure many other people have found these relationships extremely useful.
How do you find one?
Apply to programs; sign up for courses.
Traditional Mentor
This is the category of person that most people think of when they envision having a mentor. Someone who is a-couple-to-many steps ahead of you career-wise that you like and respect. They check in with you to see how things are progressing, and make themselves available for everything from quick questions to deep dives into your career plan to panicked calls about immediate potential-career-sinking-problems that require their wise counsel to solve so you can live to work another day. I’m very lucky to have one of these.
There are also less intense versions of traditional mentors, of which I am fortunate to have a few. They are people you can reach out to with specific questions (often by email) or set up a call/coffee to discuss a specific situation that they might have insight on. These people will write you reference letters and make introductions for you.
How do you find one?
Going out and asking someone to be your mentor can be kind of awkward for both of you. Everyone has different expectations and a lot of people (me) can be worried about coming off as rude if they say no even if their at capacity in life. I think the most practical way to find a traditional mentor is through work and to a lesser extent networking events. Get to know senior execs, or people who are in the role you’d like to be in one day. By spending time with these people, showing them your passion and work ethic over time you’ll build a rapport and naturally find someone who is a good fit for you. Not every person doing the job you want to do will be a good mentor, you want to find someone who shares your sensibilities and values. It’s great when you don’t agree on everything, but if you don’t share core values you’ll be getting advice that won’t be helpful for you because you’re not in alignment with it.
Those are my thoughts on mentorship! What about you? Do you have any mentorship experiences (positive or less than stellar) that you want to share?
xx
Alex